NOT Things

Although the concept of adoption has only very recenlty popped up on this blog, it’s been a subject of conversation for a long time in our house. We’ve spent the last two years gearing up for this journey ahead of us, and my personal opinion is that it was time well spent. Something to be said for a good long rest on what you think you want – it doesn’t change the hardships ahead of you but does make the foundation, the footing, a bit more sound.

I feel the same way about relationships and marriage, on a related note.

UNLIKE our marriage, we struggled with figuring out whether or not we even wanted to adopt. There are many things about adoption that are foreign, uncomfortable, and frightening to us for a variety of reasons that I may or may not delve into at some point or another. Mostly, we have no point of reference for it. All the human beings we know who were involved in adoption are parent or grandparent aged now; none of our friends are walking this path.

We knew from the start that we weren’t really into international adoption. Then we started investigating domestic adoptions – in the States there are two options: 1) private adoption via a licenced adoption agency which “matches” first-moms and their babies up with adoptive parents  or 2) state adoption, through the child welfare system. We probably would not even have looked at state adoption if not for the significant difference in cost.

But then when we started looking closer at the two options, adoption from the state system very quickly became the “front runner” option for us. I might get into that someday, too, but listing our reasons feel too much like a criticism of other’s choices to go a different route. Mainly that’s because it ultimately came down to what we were the least uncomfortable with. And that’s not really the same as what we were most comfortable with. You know?

We know so little about this whole process and what it will mean for us, emotionally, financially, and in terms of our ability to parent long-term that it’s ALL uncomfortable to an extent. There are approximately six million, two hundred fifty-five thousand, three hundred twelve things that can (and will) go screwy as we traverse this rocky road ahead of us. It’s strange to start with measured thought and a recognition that this is all very scary and unknown and uncontrollable. What’s AWESOME, though, is the realization, after weeks or months of marinating on it, that whatever comes it totally worth it.

I’m good with an uncomfortable process if it means we get to be parents.

There are many advocates out there for different approaches and different facets of the adoptive process. I may get there someday.

Right now, I just want to be a mom.

not things | a post from sundriedtomatoe.wordpress.com

We went through a ginormous pile of paperwork and then mailed it out this weekend. It’s our first official entry into the never-ending hole of government-generated paperwork.

I’m not trying to brag or anything but I’m REALLY GOOD at paperwork.

So that’s something.

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2 thoughts on “NOT Things”

  1. Having a child “naturally” has a long set of concerns also – many of them exactly the same. It is the taking on of the responsibilities, sorrows and joys for a lifetime that is daunting. Go for it. No sorrow, disappointment or worry will ever make you regret it.

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