Reset

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s been an illuminating month.

I just spent 30 days blogging every single day, based on prompts from somewhere out in the web-o-sphere. Here are some things I realized:

  • The multiple-pregnancy-loss slash infertility thing is a constant loop in my head. CONSTANT. I’ve been able to avoid admitting that until this month. Every post I wrote for the first week started out being about that.
  • I’m way too busy. I’m pretty sure that choice is related avoiding thinking about the above issue. But, like, it’s ridiculous. I’ve also been avoiding admitting how insanely ridiculous my schedule is. Then my hair started falling out. Soooo….
  • Time to go talk to someone. Not going to lie, this was a pretty tough decision. I don’t know anyone out here in my neck of the woods who is in therapy or treatment. I’m not going to be shy about this because I don’t think it should be a secret. But man, it’s going to make for some really uncomfortable moments in the future.
  • Time to stop thinking about how much the past sucks and start looking at the future. More on that later, I’m sure, but part of the 30 Days outcome has been to make me totally sick of hearing the constant drone of my own little-brain-voice. Time to start doing.
  • I miss me. I’ve been spending all my time, over the last few months, staying as occupied as humanly possible. All my energy has gone toward keeping all the balls in the air. And that’s served its purpose. In many ways I think it’s kept me going. At the same time, I’m really good at things besides juggling. I miss those things
  • Blogging every day is actually really nice. I’d like to keep that up.

Many other things (new things, or formerly-buried-but-now-unearthed things) rose to the surface this month. Life is certain to be eventful no matter what month it is, but this month was especially thoughtful. I really liked that. It galvanized me to take some new action. I always like that.

Thanks for reading along with me. Now back to regularly scheduled programming.

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5 thoughts on “Reset”

  1. I love sunshine in my life. Doesn't have to be blinding, or all day – but it sure is nice when it breaks through for a little while. Happy to know that the dark clouds have given way to some warm, luminous rays again 🙂 Shine on gurl!

  2. I've just been catching up on the last few of your 30 days posts. Glad that they've been sort of helpful for you to see patterns. Congratulations on managing to come to some sort of conclusion about “taking action”. I hope the therapist turns out to be a great person to talk to and able to give some new input. You're a brave girl, I'm sure there's a lot of “wow” waiting somewhere down the road for you! ♥

  3. Glad you're attacking this. If you didn't you'd find yourself in another dysfunctional loop again after you got past the thrill of a pregnancy and having a child. The demon would still be there.

  4. you doooo seem to stay busy. lol,, I am glad you feel comfort in some of the thoughts that you discovered that might have been hidden. You have been able to post in a natual rythum that has been interesting and informative(for our ouwn “thoughts”)..keep on a'keepin on..

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