Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

I have thought about giving up on life. Mostly in late high school and early college when I was depressed and making some hard choices about what I wanted to DO with my life. (I TOLD YOU. LOOPS!)

As to why: life is painful. This hasn’t changed, for me, ever. If I look for it, there are always areas of my life that cause pain. However, during the “giving up” phase, nowhere in my life wasn’t painful, which was the key difference between now and then.

I think that’s actually where misunderstandings often arise about this kind of situation, how people understand pain. Giving up is not for lack of trying. It’s actually the best option I could come up with at the time. There was no way out, no way up out of the hole. Where “normal” life involves an ebb and flow, ups and downs, depression was only a series of downs.

There were literally no ups.

After a while, I was suffocating on the black cloud. Nothing anyone said could touch it. It got to the point where giving up was actually, literally, the best option. Even today, when I look back on it without feeling everything I was feeling back then, I can still completely understand why I thought that.

But somebody told me: “The future is filled with things that might be, ways to change. The past is filled with solid things that you can’t alter. If you give up, the way it is right now is how it stays forever. If you don’t, there’s at least a possibility for improvement.” I remember that convincing me not to give up. It made me focus on what could be done not on what had been done.

“End on a happy note” might be a simpler way to put it.

Cupcakes!

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6 thoughts on “Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?”

  1. luckily, I'm more of a fighter. Usually, optimistic. Impatient with time when I want things to change and I have a plan or am really hoping God has one that's even better. I'm always interested in seeing what tomorrow will bring – it's a rush.

  2. There have been many times I've wondered how I'm going to get through…but I've never questioned that I would.

    Gingerbreak cupcakes, with butter cream frosting. That's all I have to say.

  3. I've been close enough to know what you mean by “Even today, when I look back on it… I can still completely understand why I thought that.” On page 7 in my first notebook of quotations I have one saying pretty much what someone said to you. “Living is better than being dead, it's not irrevocable in the same way. Life can be changed; death can not.”

  4. I think your own mind is your worst enemy! What you tend to see is completely unrelated to what you actually are. Unfortunately, our minds are the only thing we have to work with so we all have to bumble through to the truth.

  5. I think I am very fortunate. I have always felt optimistic and thought that things were either good or going to get better..but I think I do understand the reflective view of that optimisim.

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