Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.

I could live without other people being pregnant for a while. I could do without that like WOAH. (Side note: I’m avoiding this subject for the rest of the 30 Days. I’m tired of it.)

There’s something about people being pregnant, not having kids, just bearing children, that is insanely difficult for me. Once they’re born and especially once they start talking, all my issues vanish. Kids are interesting in their own right, without any added significance attached. So when they’re old enough to interact with me, I can kind of forget all the ho-hums in my head and just have fun trying to make ’em laugh (or tell me ridiculous stories).

I wrote a whole other version of this post where I was really thoughtful and stuff. But it wasn’t the truth. Right now I’m just going *to spew a bunch of ugly. That’s more truthful.

Everyone and their mother is pregnant right now. I live in a culture (Hispanic) that values childbearing as the be-all and end all of a woman’s existence. They start early (14 or 15) and they go strong for many years. Teen pregnancy is not considered a “crisis” where I live. Thus, in my late 20s, people don’t ask me if I have kids, they ask me “how many kids do you have?” I’m a social pariah because I can’t make a baby.

In addition, most of my fellow transplants who moved here when I did, without kids, have made babies. I’m tired of talking myself down and saying, “oh, it’s okay. We’re all at that stage where we start families, it’s not really as much of a eff-you from the universe as it seems…” because yes it is. It’s stupid. It’s a big middle finger from the sky. I’m surrounded by pregnant women!!!

This whole situation is stupid. It’s turned me into this beast of a person who actively avoids babies and their excited mothers. I LIKE BABIES. I LIKE MOTHERS. But I hate them right now. And every G. D. pregnant belly I see is just another reminder that I am a baby-hating Negative Nancy who can’t manage to get her head out of her ass.

Blech. Done.

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8 thoughts on “Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.”

  1. Wish there were some magic words to ease your grief over this but words don't do it. It does give you some insight into grief though and how to stand by kith and kin who are suffering those things that words don't salve.

  2. Gosh I could have used this video about eighteen years ago! I'm not saying anything more because there is nothing more to say. You expressed it exactly how it is/was.

  3. I can sympathize with these feelings, since I never had children (and also never was pregnant). By now, though, I'm getting so old that those kinds of feelings are getting transferred to being surrounded by smug GRANDPARENTS (and grandparents-soon-to-be)…

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