For one of the few times in my life, I’m paralyzed by fear. Usually, I look at all of my options, find that one that best meets my needs, and go with it.
I’m not going to lie, I get frustrated when other people don’t operate that way. I get annoyed when I hear the same story over and over again. A lot of times I think (or SAY), “you KNOW what you want, and you KNOW how to get it. So go get it! Quit whining, start doing.”
It’s really obnoxious, I know. But up until now I’ve been able to operate that way with no guilt, because that’s how I do. Key words: up until now.
My body is broken. I can’t stop obsessing about that enough to make a decision about my next move. I’m stuck on this circumstance, blaming it for how my life is unfolding, and feeling guilty and ineffective because I KNOW what I want, and I KNOW how to get it, but I can’t stop whining and start doing.
I’m trying to get out from under the feeling of guilt. I feel guilty that I didn’t do more before, guilty that I haven’t done more since then, guilty that I’m still wallowing in this version of misery. I need to absolve myself of all this before I can move forward.