Well, ladies and gentlemen. We have reached an area of our lives where we are pretty sure the scenery is going to change. To go with a “river” analogy, we have had some super rapids surprise us in the recent past, but we have weathered them. Although it has been rough, the going has been fairly straight. We knew where we were headed, and if we could make it through the rapids we’d probably be okay.
Now, however, we have reached a point in the river where the way ahead is unclear, and which will leave our past expectations but a distant memory. (I’m talking about having kids, FYI. I just want to be clear that tubing down a Tejas river is just a literary device, albeit a very charming one.)
Friday was the last of my diagnostic tests. On Thursday night, Hubs made dinner (I’m loving it!) and we toasted with some very appropriate wine.
The round of tests were ordered to try to figure out “what’s wrong.” They’re pretty standard for someone who has had recurrent pregnancy losses. They generally don’t yield any answers, but they’re very useful on the off chance that something does pop up.
The twitchy part of it is that these tests are only helpful if they can identify if something is wrong. In our case, they didn’t ID anything. So, I’m “healthy.”
This is a plus: I like being healthy. It’s scary too, since we still don’t really know what’s going on, or why.
What we do know is that, at this point, we must change direction. There’s nothing to be “fixed;” how we are is how it is. This means that continuing to try having children naturally is still feasible. It also means that this will be a slow, uncertain, and possibly fruitless endeavor.
We’re not really into slow, uncertain, or fruitless endeavors. We’re into action and explosions and adventure! And speed! And German accents! And chase scenes with expensive cars! And someone rappelling out of a helicopter over Mt. Rushmore! And weight-lifting toddlers!
So, eventually, we’ll have a new game plan. For now we are marinating on the most recent information and cooking each other plenty of delicious dinners, which are proven to enhance brain function by almost 500%. Especially if your awesome husband makes them.