I have a whole new way of viewing today, and most of it has to do with you, so I thought I’d write a letter, then share it with the world-wide-web.
Basically, today is the day the world celebrates the death of your son. That’s got to be pretty much the second worst feeling in all eternity (proceeded only by being God’s son and getting put to death). I mean, I get upset because the world at large seems pretty unaffected by my loss, but it’s a whole new level to have everyone in Christendom still doing three day weekends two thousand years after the fact.
I was wondering this morning, if its possible you had no idea life was going to turn out like that for you and your son. I know an angel showed up, and told you things were going to be special, that God had a plan for you. And I know you said, “Okay!” and did the things you were supposed to. But I’m pretty sure no one told you that your kid’s death was part of the process. I’m pretty sure you didn’t assume that would be the case. I’m pretty sure you thought things were going to go a lot better than they actually did for you guys.
Me too. (Minus the angel part.)
I guess what I’m curious about is the rest of your life. And how all this affected Joseph, a really good guy who kind of had to stand by and watch all this happen to his wife. And I would have to say that I’m glad the Catholic church puts as much emphasis on you as they do, although I know not all Christians are comfortable with it. I need a human element to get me through what I’m dealing with right now. I need to feel not so completely screwed by God. It’s nice to know another mom, THE mom, felt a version of how I feel.
Maybe, at some point, you also sat down on your bed and thought, “I don’t care what the plan is, this totally sucks.” And maybe Joseph sat down next to you, and hugged you, and then made you dinner.
It does suck, but I have to say, if you didn’t get through it, I know there’d never be a chance for me. So thanks for keepin’ on. And put in a good word for me? And I’m so sorry for your loss.
And have a Good Friday. Things get better after this. I promise.