We’ve been in this new town for several months. Hubs and I are on different schedules, which is new in this new town. In the old town, we were always on different schedules, but since we got here, we have been able to see each other on a refreshingly regular basis.

Now we’re on different schedules. I’m having to finally deal with being in another new place, being far from established support systems (family/friends). And I’m really struggling. I no longer have those people I can just call out of the blue and they’d be happy to spend some time with me. I’m really getting frustrated. Honestly, I’m getting sad.

I miss being sure of people: of whether I can joke around or be grumpy with them, or whether they’ll sit around and do nothing with me, whether or not they even enjoy my company. I miss the honesty of people who will tell me when I’m geeking out (and not hold it against me). I miss being able to pick that vibe up without them having to tell me. I miss people who know what to say when I’m feeling the way I am this week. I miss feeling safe enough to even drop that on someone.

I miss Hubs listening to my litany of insecurities and then telling me I’m wonderful (then making me laugh). I miss my mom’s emotion and my dad’s common sense. I miss the uproar of get-togethers with my in-laws. I miss the quirky inside jokes that cements my bond with my siblings. I miss watching movies with my cousins. I miss impromptu get-togethers with my Mexas friends.

Without fail, the longer it goes on the more I think that feeling alone is the result of something defective in how I interact with people. That’s my default: It’s not you, it’s me.

Objectively, I know there are some things playing into this that should give me pause and make me think “hey! Maybe it’s not because you suddenly turned into a dirty, crazy lady! Maybe it’s not all about you!”

  • It’s winter. Although it is a Tejas “winter,” I do poorly in winter as a general rule.
  • Not a great time of year. I’m avoiding thinking about badaversaries. But that doesn’t make them go away.
  • New place = This feeling. It’s the learning curve. It comes with pioneering. 
  • My number one is temporarily out of the picture. That always throws me off.

I’ll hop off this pity-party-train eventually. I know the roller-coaster goes back up. So I’m trying not to wallow.

Family: I miss you.
Friends: I also miss you.
Hubs: can’t wait ’til I see you again.
And Bot: thanks in advance for lonches Your timing is impeccable.

Now, I need some feedback. This is actually important to my well-being as a functioning adult, so please share.

When you are feeling all alone, and starting to blame it on yourself, what do you do to snap out of it?

I'm TRYING, Britain.

15 thoughts on “Missing”

  1. Read. I just sit and read. The best thing is to read a really sad book, so that when you get done you feel like your life is actually happy. I would suggest “When Crickets Cry” by Charles Martin. Or you could read a funny book, like a book by one of the more famous comedians. It'll make you laugh again.

  2. Reading this post last week, I decided to delay my response. You got some great feedback. My strategies are most like GB's.

    Personally, I make sure I'm getting enough sleep. When my body is depressed… my mind often is too. Second, I make sure I'm eating well. It's hard to feel good when I've been loading my body with junk. Finally, I get moving. Exercise (whether housework, yardwork, or even washing the cars) gets the phenemerons (sp) cranking. The external order of cleaning etc. also seems to rub off.

    Nothing new from me, but it's my offering to say… I care. Perhaps that's all any of us really need: someone to say, “You're not alone, and you matter.”

  3. I don't really have a remedy but I do try not to put blame on anyone, including myself, because that very rarely helps.

    If I'm in talking mood and haven't got anyone to talk to I usually resort to writing. Letters, emails, blog… Response might be a bit delayed but on the other hand writing things down often helps to sort out what you're really thinking.

    I'd also say that if no one else is around to be your friend then you have to be your own. I.e. try to imagine what you would be saying to comfort or cheer up someone else who expressed this or that feeling to you. And then say it to yourself!

  4. I just stumbled on your blog (now I can't remember who) and loved your comment so followed you. It's ME all over again.
    We just moved to AZ from ID and it's been a real roller coaster. Amen to all your feelings. Now husband is working and I'm glad for the money but miss his presence like crazy.
    The previous comments were great on suggestions. I will try them all. I have none of my own. I struggle constantly. Went off meds because I thought they weren't helping. I know that FORCING out the negative thoughts helps. Just forbid them from entering my brain. However, it's easier said than done. Getting outside and working on a fun project, reading blogs–even kind of sad ones like yours. At least it makes me realize someone else is not always joyous and “happy.” I sometimes hate happy people. Oops!

  5. I've been feeling the same way lately! I've been shopping but I'm running out of mula.
    I talked to my sister last night, that helped ALOT!
    Although it kind of makes me sad too…
    Anywho, I feel ya'!
    p.s. I bought the dance game:)
    p.s.s. I look forward to our weekly lunches, and why don't we have a fricken target? That would solve all of my problems, lol…

  6. I do things that make me happy. I sit at Barnes and Noble with a coffee (yes, friendly barista, I'll have whipped cream on that!) and read…I go out to a location that I think is pretty and I photograph it…I hole up in a cozy chair and I write…I go for a drive with my favorite music playing (works well on a sunny day, with the windows down)…rent movies my husband won't watch with me on Netflix…and when all else fails: go shopping.

  7. I'm not sure that there is an answer. In NZ and Oz there tends to be an attitude of 'Harden Up' which is totally counter-productive. In fact there is a prominent former All-Black (rugby player)on TV who exhorts people to seek help for depression and for other people to understand it and help.

    But for those of us who just feel lonely or get out of sorts (as I did recently) for no really good reason it can be a waiting game.

    But I would suggest that there are things we can do to help ourselves:

    We can be positive – it WILL all come right in the end.

    We can play happy music even if we want to play sad music and wallow in our sadness.

    We can communicate with those friends who are availbale through emails and the phone – it's not the same but it's better than nothing.

    We can do something to meet new people and make new friends (especially important if we are going to be in the new place for a long time).

    Most of all we can and MUST NOT blame ourselves for how we feel.

    The truth is that I have no idea how I snapped out of my slough. I just woke up and it had gone.

    I've done it again!!! I'm a man. I can't help it. You didn't want anyone to tell you those things because you know them already. You just wanted someone to listen.

    Your blogging friends are listening. They are here.

    I wish for you a happy heart Rae.

  8. When I'm taking my meds I have to work really hard to make myself blame moods on others.
    I know it's clinical depression when I find it EASY to blame it on others.
    Not that that's really helpful. Maybe it's okay to surf a mood – acknowledge it and allow it — if you can avoid wallowing and drowning.
    I miss you, and we miss you. More visits are in order, in either direction.
    And The Him and I work at home, so, you know, pick up the phone. Except we're obnoxious and maybe not who you need right now!

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