We’ve been in this new town for several months. Hubs and I are on different schedules, which is new in this new town. In the old town, we were always on different schedules, but since we got here, we have been able to see each other on a refreshingly regular basis.
Now we’re on different schedules. I’m having to finally deal with being in another new place, being far from established support systems (family/friends). And I’m really struggling. I no longer have those people I can just call out of the blue and they’d be happy to spend some time with me. I’m really getting frustrated. Honestly, I’m getting sad.
I miss being sure of people: of whether I can joke around or be grumpy with them, or whether they’ll sit around and do nothing with me, whether or not they even enjoy my company. I miss the honesty of people who will tell me when I’m geeking out (and not hold it against me). I miss being able to pick that vibe up without them having to tell me. I miss people who know what to say when I’m feeling the way I am this week. I miss feeling safe enough to even drop that on someone.
I miss Hubs listening to my litany of insecurities and then telling me I’m wonderful (then making me laugh). I miss my mom’s emotion and my dad’s common sense. I miss the uproar of get-togethers with my in-laws. I miss the quirky inside jokes that cements my bond with my siblings. I miss watching movies with my cousins. I miss impromptu get-togethers with my Mexas friends.
Without fail, the longer it goes on the more I think that feeling alone is the result of something defective in how I interact with people. That’s my default: It’s not you, it’s me.
Objectively, I know there are some things playing into this that should give me pause and make me think “hey! Maybe it’s not because you suddenly turned into a dirty, crazy lady! Maybe it’s not all about you!”
- It’s winter. Although it is a Tejas “winter,” I do poorly in winter as a general rule.
- Not a great time of year. I’m avoiding thinking about badaversaries. But that doesn’t make them go away.
- New place = This feeling. It’s the learning curve. It comes with pioneering.
- My number one is temporarily out of the picture. That always throws me off.
I’ll hop off this pity-party-train eventually. I know the roller-coaster goes back up. So I’m trying not to wallow.
Family: I miss you.
Friends: I also miss you.
Hubs: can’t wait ’til I see you again.
And Bot: thanks in advance for lonches Your timing is impeccable.
Now, I need some feedback. This is actually important to my well-being as a functioning adult, so please share.
When you are feeling all alone, and starting to blame it on yourself, what do you do to snap out of it?