Gracias

My brain is WHIRLING lately. I told Hubs last night that I feel like I’ve been pulled out of hibernation mode. I’ve spent the last few weeks running on auto-pilot, staying in the air but without an engine, basically. A bunch of cargo got ignored or jettisoned when the engine went out, and now that it’s back (I’m talking about Hubs as if he were an engine, in case you’re not following) all that extra STUFF in my brain switched back on and is spinning around, demanding to be noticed and marinated upon.

As a result, I’ve started at least three separate blog posts, but none of them are really striking me as appropriate. So you know what I’m going to do? I’m going to tell you what I’m thankful for today, in anticipation of our upcoming holiday, Thanksgiving.

Hubs: Obviously, I’m thankful that Hubs is home, in the same house as me. He has accomplished something insanely difficult and he is so happy. The great thing for me is I get to enjoy all of the good feelings without the weeks of agonizingly hard work that he had to go through!

Aside from the immediate gratification of having him next to me when I veg out with a movie (or his glowing praise when I cook an outstanding, fatty dinner, totally devoid of Crisco), I am feeling a bigger “thankful.”

Part of our new (since we moved from SJ) lifestyle means working nights, weekends, and especially holidays. Our first holiday out here was Christmas in a remote hotel, included less than twenty-four hours together, and featured some fantastically mediocre Chinese food. It was an awesome day.

Most of the following celebrations have been similar. All sorts of irreplaceable, renegade traditions and memories have sprung up because of this.

This holiday, though, I am delighted to not only be celebrating a recent achievement, but the much more comprehensive accomplishment of “making it” for two years. We’ve survived and thrived, so much so that we are at a point where we’ve earned a holiday (the whole day!) together.

And whether we spend it here, or on the road, it will be intensely sweet because we will be with each other.

Job: As one of my friends so wisely posted, it is quite a blessing to be employed when so many are struggling to make ends meet right now. But, like the previous subject, it’s more complex than that.

Not only is it a joy to be employed, but I am especially thankful for the quality of this place. I’ve spent years (YEARS!) in jobs that frustrated or infuriated me on a daily basis. I claim full responsibility for this: I am not an ideal employee. I’m far too critical to make the best of most places (this is a side-effect of my impossibly impressive brain capacity).

For most of my pre- and adult life, I’ve harbored the suspicion that I was totally ruined for an enjoyable job. I KNEW I was too critical from a very early age. I was the ten year old who was correcting museum curators or passing (disapproving) judgment on classical music. I couldn’t shake it. As much as I tried to be accepting and docile regarding ideas, decisions, or management that I didn’t like, I simply couldn’t get it to work. Thus, “I can never be happy at work.”

But I always secretly harbored that hope of a Job Prince, some place of employment that would take me away from the filth and squalor and make me truly happy.  I wasn’t actually looking for the Job Prince, I was just spending a lot of time in my current job relationships, bitching about how badly they were treating me.

I’ve talked about this before. Short moral: Just like a relationship, if a job sucks I should leave it. Otherwise, shut up.

After leaving more jobs than I care to count (for you… I have a very vivid and real number in my head), I landed in this one. And it is AWESOME.

I’m not expecting it to be awesome forever, nor am I unaware of significant drawbacks. But the fact remains that I am happy to show up every day. I’m happy to tell people what my job is. I’m delighted with my paycheck. And I sleep contentedly every night. This is huge. It proves to me that it’s not ALL me, that I am employable, albeit at a small number of places. But still. I am incredibly thankful for this job.

There’s more, but I’ll save it, perhaps for another blog post. Right now, these are the two things I’m really rolling around in thanks for.

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