Big Girl Pants

I woke up this morning to a highly uncharacteristic Tejas downpour. Since we’ve recently moved out of a downstairs apartment (to a new town) and into a house with a tin roof, “waking up” could also be described as “immediate sensory overload.”

But you know what’s nice? When your ceiling doesn’t fail during ridiculous storms. I will take the tin roof any second of any day because of that. Also because rain on a tin roof provides hours of cruel entertainment at the expense of our Mexas cat, for whom rain is a rare, freak-tastic occurrence.

Anyways, rain usually perks me up. I enjoy the change of pace. I enjoy the cool weather. I enjoy Tejas (or Mexas) drivers shutting down the driving skills for the day. I especially enjoy curling up on my awesome couch and catching up on movies/shows/books.

This is my couch, cradling Prose and Hawk in its comfy cushions.

Rain is not my friend today, though, and I’ll tell you why.

Hubs is away for an undetermined length of time and our communication is 100% radio silence right now. (Side note: he is gone for a good reason, not because he’s been indicted in a huge drug conspiracy case or abandoned me for a young Columbian supermodel or anything.) I could get home from work and he might be there, or I could be waiting weeks. He could call in ten minutes, or I might wake up at three in the morning, five days from now, to the phone ringing. This, in and of itself, is enough to ruin rain for me. But wait. There’s more.

My cousins came down to Tejas to visit for a long weekend. We had a phenomenal time. We even made commemorative t-shirts:

Here is the back, which I first designed on Paint (the premier software for cheap non-artists) and then re-did by hand because Paint pretty much ruined it.
 Here are their smiling faces, along with the front of the shirt, which reads Solamente los fuertes sobreviven. (“only the strong survive”).

They flew back to SoJerZ last night, and took all the laughter and sunshine (literally) with them. Now I have only the cat. She’s too busy freaking out to pay attention or talk back.

AND downpour plus chilly weather should equal cuddling with Hubs. Or a quiet, shared afternoon. At the very least it should include me being able to pester him with my ice cold feet.

None of these things are doable today. And I knew that pretty much as soon as I woke up, because I didn’t have anyone grumbling at me about stealing blankets or giving them frostbite from my stupidly cool extremities. Not only did I not have my heat-producing husband to tuck hands and feet under as the temperature dropped, but even the cat abandoned me to run erratically around the house in darkness, meowling at the ceiling.

It was just me and the three toys Kitty had deposited next to my head in the middle of the night.

So I immediately begin to feel sorry for myself, and appropriately depressing music appeared on my mental track-list…

Then, instead of snapping myself out of it with some perky tunes or a fun session of taunting the cat, I made a series of poor, downward-spiral-inducing decisions:

  1. Skip coffee (no creamer, seemed like a good idea at the time)
  2. Catch up on The Office (the sweet, quiet scene at the end where the newlyweds comfort each other after a challenging day was especially torturous)
  3. Refuse to put in contacts (I don’t need to see anything that bad)
  4. Skip hairstyling (It was either good hair or The Office)
  5. Skip any and all makeup (No one needs to look at me)
  6. Barely manage to iron clothes (Deciding factor: I can see my clothes)
  7. Almost eat cereal with water, but find milk in time

Yes, I was wallowing. So sue me.

Got to work, where the lighting is much better, and had to cover the mirror in my office almost immediately. First lesson learned today: old glasses plus zero care for personal appearance doesn’t actually make me feel better. It actually makes me feel much, much worse.

Second lesson: don’t skip coffee.

So, after a few more minutes of wallowing, and a few more peeks at the mirror to see if my look improved with time (it didn’t) I rallied ’round.

  • The writing center (my domain) is clean, organized, and a livable temperature. 
  • One stunning writing quote has been added to the huge chalkboard, with two fabulous verbs + definitions flanking it (“is” proves a very challenging verb to overcome, here).
  • Huge orchestral compositions are blasting through my tiny computer speakers. Wagner’s Ride of the Valkyries is currently playing (it’s so good), to be followed by one of 47 other inspirational pieces. 
  • A spreadsheet with all the data I’ve collected since I started here is in the works. If any higher ups ever start to wonder if I’m worth the paycheck, I will be ready for them.
  • My profile on the National Novel Writer’s Month website has been updated and I think I may just have a starting block of a plot point in my little noggin (freaky dreams are good for something).
  • Found an eye doc. Also recalled where my recent (never used) glasses prescription is located.
  • Scheduled time with one instructor to review her rubrics, then (presumably) I will be the happy recipient of a huge stack of essays to grade. (This isn’t sarcasm. I really want job-related activities during at least part of my work week.)
  • Figured out where and how to get those shirts online for Mexas compatriots (and their tourist friends and family) to acquire. Project for the afternoon? Check. 
  • FINALLY (this is the big one) I reviewed and submitted my (long completed) grad-school application

In honor of Nae, who continues to check in, even when I am being totally non-responsive, I post the following song. Nae, PapaHubs, Toby Keith, be proud: I am not trying to have a good day. And I will use personally blacklisted music to prove it.

It is still raining. And I am still missing my husband very much. But let me tell you something:

This day is going to be a damn good one by the time my eyes close tonight.

4 thoughts on “Big Girl Pants”

  1. I hope you made extra commemorative t-shirts (and also that you plan on inducting me in as an honorary cousin) because I have got to have one!

    Sorry about the rain. And hubs being gone. And the lack of creamer. 😦

  2. One can't help but be uplifted when listening to Ride of the Valkyries! Now it's going to be running through my head all day. No, wait, maybe it'll be Toby Keith. Either way I win. I hope you get a phone call sooner rather than later . . . as if it's not hard anyway, it's so much harder to not be together when you don't know how long it will be.

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