Miss America Ain’t Got Nothin’

I am a winner of a prestigious blog award, entitled “Honest Scrap.” Glnroz bestowed it upon me, and for that I am truly thankful, as I have been coveting this cap-feather for many months.

There are stipulations attached to this award, however. For instance, you have to go check out Glnroz’s blog. Then check out the blogs Glnroz follows, because they are pretty much (without exception) amazing. Glnroz is a stellar blog-amalgamator.

Another stipulation is that I must write ten things about myself. This will not be an issue at all, since this blog is my ultimate exercise in narcissism. You can find my 10 things below.

Final stipulation is choosing seven specific blogs to direct you toward as MY recipients of the Honest Scrap award. Basically, they are blogs I think you should read and enjoy because I most certainly do. Here they are:

  1. Wym from Texas Britches: She is also a new Tejan, and generally funnier than I am. Every hilarious YouTube video I’ve viewed in the last six months has been via Wym.
  2. Singing Wawa Girl, from a blog of the same name. Her posts are always delightfully unexpected, though not nearly as frequent as I would like (HINT). Her ten things are sure to be epic.
  3. DawnTreader, from The Island of the Voices. Not only does her photography become exponentially more impressive by the week, but her posts are often moving introspection. Plus, she loves C.S. Lewis. And I am a big fan of that.
  4. Ms. Chintalapati at Not a Science Geek: She may have already received this award, but if so she deserves it again. Lately she’s been regaling me with stories about her ancestors in Malaysia and Singapore. Needless to say, I am fascinated.
  5. Amy from  Bitchin’ Wives Club: Another blogger who probably already has this. The link is more for you, because her blog is a scream. She’s recently moved from Wisconsin to England with her husband and three small boys. The blog COULD write itself, but it does much better in Amy’s hilarious hands.
  6. Omgirl at Little Pink Houses: I have only recently started following this blog but I’m enjoying it. I feel like I’m overhearing parts of her conversations with her gals. It’s like a slice of someone’s actual life, like she’s writing for her friends. Excellent vibe.
  7. Susan at The Susan/Susan Recovery Project: written by a recovering addict, Susan’s blog manages to be both touching and hilarious, often in the same post. Sometimes in the same sentence. I always come away from this blog with something to think about.

So first, check those out. Then come back and read some random stuff about me.

1. I am a firm believer in the effects of birth order on personality. I have plenty of real life examples to study for this, as I am the oldest of five. Here is a description of my personality cons, as a firstborn, from a website that espouses this worldview:

Have an innate fear of being dethroned, perfectionists, overachievers, feel as though they are never good enough, tend to be selfish with possessions and attention.

Yes. That is me. 100% The positive stuff is correct, as well, but focusing on my faults is more productive, I think.

2. No pet I have ever had possession of has died of old age. This is a little creepy but it’s interesting-ish. Radio (our first ever cat) was the closest, but she was given to a family member before one of our family moves. The same thing happened to Molly (our first ever dog). Other failed pets include Roxy, the cat I abandoned thrice (all with my mom… Thanks, Mom); Oreo, the puppy who died on New Year’s Day; and Sasha, the dog who ate childrens’ faces and had to be returned. Notable mentions include pets that were not actually mine, but who spent significant time with me, thus tainting their success: Sunny and Kelsie, who ran away one chilly morning never to return; Midge, who had to be secreted away to a farm because the mean neighbor lady threatened to poison her for scaring away all the squirrels; and Pinky, the cockatiel that I stopped caring about after it chewed through the cord in my never-used amplifier. Various baby birds and bunnies have also met their untimely demise via contact with yours truly.

Hopefully Kitty (Wawa) makes it.

3. I am addicted to Diet Coke. This is not an exaggeration. I read recently that if you must engage in addictive behavior first thing when you wake up, it is a chemical (not just habitual) addiction.

Enough said. We don’t need to get into how many Diet Cokes I drink for/before breakfast. I’ve recently tried to replace DC with coffee, which was a bad idea. Now I’m just addicted to two unhealthy, heavily caffeinated beverages instead of one.

Keeps me off the crack pipe, though. (I kid.)

4. I made a guitar once. The other part of this piece of info is that I only know how to play three chords on the actual (ie: not RockBand) guitar. And not well, either. But I look really amazing while I do it, and that always counts for something.

My grandfather makes guitars and I spent one magical year with them, totally slacking off. Thanks to Grandpa, I walked away from that year with at least one tangible, gorgeous something. It’s taken me several more years to appreciate this accomplishment, but now I’m at a point where I would like to move him and Grandma out to Tejas so I can systematically siphon all useful knowledge about his craft from him.

It’s an acoustic arch-top with a star motif. The fretboard and tailpiece are star inlays, and the sound holes are star cut-outs. Pine, mahogany, and ebony, mostly. (I could be wrong about a lot of this terminology. It’s been a while.)
5.  My friend called me MacGyver the other day, and it was one of the nicest compliments ever. I didn’t realize it, but I interject a lot of conversation with, “you could rig one of those pretty easily.” Not that I ever actually rig anything that I’m commenting on, but it’s nice that someone listens to me and believes I’m actually capable of making all the things I say I can make, including but not limited to:
  • a dress
  • a dresser
  • a smoker  (for meats)
  • a cake box
  • a hat
  • Thanksgiving dinner
  • a fully landscaped yard
  • a new front door
  • plumbing
  • electrical

My pre-engineering brother would be so proud.

6. I am naturally awesome at shooting. An old family friend discovered this when they took me out trap shooting (not to be confused with skeet; they are similar but NOT THE SAME) one weekend a long time ago in Jersey and I freaking killed it. I was quickly holding my own with the old guys.Went every weekend the entire summer. Even learned how to operate a manual shell reloader.

The fun part about this skill is that I have absolutely horrific eyesight. Only by the grace of God and the wonders of modern technology am I able to discern anything beyond about 1.5 inches off my face (another non-exaggeration).

Lately I’ve taken up handguns, since shotguns are expensive, and harder to store. Someday, though, I shall return to my shotgun roots and blow all the Tejas old guys away…

——————————

That’s all I got. I’m tired of writing about me. I’m tired of trying to think of interesting things. So for numbers 7-10 I’m just going to link to past posts (about me!) which I find fascinating. Secret fact: I read my own blog and marvel at how interesting I can make my life sound. Sometimes it’s downright FASCINATING. In fact, my bloggy memories are always more positive and profound than the real ones. Which is pretty much why I started this thing in the first place…

7. I live(d) in Mexas. I have recently moved slightly to the east of Mexas, but I am still two thousand plus miles closer to the border than I was in NJ.

8. I’ve had multiple failed pregnancies. When I’m not furious about it, I wallow in self-pity. I look forward to the day when I’m “over it.” Until then I will continue to choose furious. It’s much easier and more entertaining than self-pity.

9. I hoard fortunes from fortune cookies. I think it stems from my love of quotations. Also of the sense of something bigger than me. It can’t just be coincidence that the fortunes so often pertain to my personal life!

10. I am going to Minneapolis in two days for my friend Sha’s wedding and I can’t wait. I haven’t been to many weddings. Also, it will be cold and I can break my wool coat out of Tejas storage. Also I get to go to the Mall of America. Also, Bot and Nae are joining me. Good stories will be originated, and good times are almost as much of a certainty.

Hopefully I will remember to take pictures so I can share some of those stories with you.

For number 11 (“What we do is, if we need that extra push over the cliff, you know what we do?”) I would just like to add that the man I am married to freakin’ rocks.

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11 thoughts on “Miss America Ain’t Got Nothin’”

  1. I loved this post! I wish I could pretend it was for the honor of being praised by a fellow writer, but no, it was the quirky, fascinating little tidbits about you. LOVED. IT. WANT. MORE. WILL. READ. LINKED. POSTS. THEN. WILL. DEMAND. MORE.

  2. Congratulations on your award! It is very well deserved!
    I agree that your guitar is amazing. What a wonderful memory that must be for you and something you can treasure forever.
    By the way, I also have high hopes for Kitty 😉

  3. Rae, I just want to let you know I saw this! I'll return to read closer, because that was A LOT of stipulations… I'm generally not fond of stipulations… However. First of all I'm honoured to be included in your list. Second of all I sort of felt inspiration creeping up on me. So I do think I'm going to pick this one up, stipulations and all, and even pass it on. I might however keep the stipulations to myself when I pass it on, because otherwise it would sort of collide with previous decision of mine (and I think even promise) not to give away awards that come with a lot of stipulations. (Even in this short blog comment you can see how that word has a tendency to multiply and grow heavy!!!)

  4. two pack of Gladiola yellow cornbread mix, two eggs, shake in salt and pepper ( I add 1/2 handful of grated cheese). Add milk until pancake batter-like(the pack will tell how much). Stir..heat skittlet on stove with 1 1/2 tabls of Crisco until starts to smoke. Pour into skillet and cook in oven 375 for 20-30 mins.. lol.. no real magic with this,,

  5. That guitar is amazing, but not as much as you for making it. I am flabergasted, in a good way. Pistol packing mama,, lol.. I taught my daughters to shoot. that is great.. along with all your other talents. I enjoyed,,

  6. Thanks for the shout out! I too am still addicted to DC. I don't have it in the house but, the girls at the McDonald's Drive thru are worried about my habit.

  7. # 5 …or a brooch, or a pterodactyl…
    # 9 Back when I was working for my friend Vickie, we went out for chinese and we got the same fortune: “You may be in the wrong line of work.” She's still in business, so I guess both cookies were really mine.

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