Tejas Non-Flood (Double Awesome)

After a general outcry of disgust and plenty of unhelpful (though entertaining) extra information, I’ve decided that roach posts are my new favorite.

One side-benefit is that my father-in-law rustled up some winning product from one of his many, many contacts in the great wet North. My FIL, Papa ‘o’ Hubs, is basically the don of South Jersey. You could name any local celebrity up there and he either knows them or he went to school with their entire family.  Or built their house. With his bare hands. Seriously.

So he met a guy who knows a guy who runs a huge building and they have some state-of-the art bait gel that’s guaranteed to destroy every critter for about a mile radius. It’s called Maxforce FC Magnum, for you Tejans. And if the rest of you have any burning needs or desires, let me know and I’ll pass the word along to The Don and he will take care of you because that’s what dons do.

I’ve decided that this new town is officially a part of the unofficial designation of “Tejas.” Although the new dig are still decidedly located in a burg of the Latin persuasion, it’s too far from Mexico to really be called Mexas. There are too many English speakers here, too much fried food (ie: obesity), and not enough luscious long dark hairs.

In fact, when I go to my new local WalMart in a t-shirt, jeans, and flippy floppies I feel positively appropriate. Gone are the afternoons of shame that found me sobbing in corners over my inability to flaunt six inch heels. My aversion to skinny jeans no longer inspires self-doubt or misery. High-wasted belts and babydoll dresses are a thing of the past. I can do with my curves what every vanilla-blooded American does: hide them.

Latina bonita was once a dream of mine. After two years in Mexas, I realize it will probably always be just a dream. Those big hoop earrings look terrible on my head. And it is nice to feel like I could possibly achieve “overdressed” at some point. Not that I’m going to aim for it, but still. The possibility exists.

Anyways. Just so we’re clear on the designated terms of the area, I’m in Tejas. For my made-up purposes, that’s the region of southern and western Texas. Citizens of northern and coastal Texas are not Tejans, because their Latin population is only marginally higher than that of NYC. And we all know that NYC doesn’t count. Ever.

Mexas, in turn, is a locale of the larger Tejas region. Mexas usually keeps to the banks of the Rio Grande, but has been known to creep insidiously toward the heartland of the Free Republic (Dallas, of course). On the other hand, Texas (usually the Tejas part) has been known to virtually eradicate all signs of Mexas in some River Cities (oh, they got Trouble). This usually happens when something huge and non-Latin begins to suffocate all that is good and natural in Tex-Mex culture. Something like a military base or, worse, tourism.

Now that we’ve cleared that up, I’d just like to side note a bit. I’m in Tejas. Which means the title of my blog makes sense for the first time in two years. How cool is that?!

Moving on: It rained in Tejas today.

I hear it’s been raining all over Tejas, even in Mexas, although I have my doubts. Reports of Mexas rain are actually coming from those lapsed-Mexas areas, where Something has taken root. So I don’t know if it’s really raining in REAL Mexas.

Very rambly , aren’t I? Must be the weather.

So it rained. That’s a big deal, regardless of whether I’m in Tejas or Mexas. First day of autumn (happy Fall) and rain are two events that should always go together, even if you don’t live in a water-starved pre-desert area.

Here is the view from the driver’s seat of my beautiful Honda Element:

Doesn’t it look positively divine? It was POURING today. It’s been overcast all day, even when the rain finally abated. In fact, today was very much a northeast kind of day. Which I loved.

But I’m not here to wax philosophical about NE autumnal weather. I’m interested in sharing my new little tidbit of Tejas-not-Mexas knowledge with you.

You know how you know you’re not in Mexas anymore? When roads don’t turn into lakes after ten minutes of rain.

This is, at its heart, a little thing. Since it barely ever gets humid here, much less full-out rains, who cares if the roads flood, right? RIGHT?! Pretty much.

Only every once in a while the heavens open up and it POURS on Tejas. And then Mexas suffers, because not only does Mexas have rock-dirt, it also has flat roads. Flat roads = not graded roads. And not graded roads = floods and standing lakes. In fact, all it takes is about three minutes of moderate rainfall to create a whole town of road-shaped lakes in Mexas, which last for hours or even days.

But in Tejas, apparently, roads are graded and real sewage systems exist.

So guess what? Even though I was driving around in the midst of a pretty decent rainfall (wipers were on level 2; that’s a big deal) I was still able to navigate down side roads without the vehicle-snorkle.

Can I just say? That’s pretty freaking sweet.

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5 thoughts on “Tejas Non-Flood (Double Awesome)”

  1. wow! amazing wealth of info on your new world. Enjoyed all the various descriptions/depictions very much!! That rainy photo reminds me of how much I don't really enjoy the rain (despite of course being very grateful for it, being african!)

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