Pool "Party" (or: How to break 10 of 12 pool rules in one day)

We weren’t able to make it to Austin this weekend. Hubs found out on Thursday (or Friday) that their shifts were changing to second shift, and their work-week was being restructured. He also really wanted time to study for the pass-or-die exam that’s coming up quick. They all had off on Saturday, but had to report in on Sunday night. Rather than drive out to the lake (again), D decided to change things up, and gather everyone at the pool. We stayed for many hours.

Yesterday (Monday) afternoon, a building super discretely left the pool rules in our door (and only our door). I’ll give you a glimpse of Saturday’s activities by walking you through the rules our group broke. I’ll insert the disclaimer now: we won’t be having another pool gathering. Or, if we do, many things will change. Although we, personally, managed to limit ourselves to only breaking 2 rules (which we noticed the building manager breaking as well, as they enjoyed their own pool party), my face is most familiar to the staff. And so, mine is the face most likely to be associated with any shenanigans. Nothing like starting out the summers as the a-hole tenant who’s causing all the trouble. (I’ll note here that I am tenaciously fighting against the urge to go apologize profusely and attempt Best-Friend-Forevership with the building manager. We slipped up, it won’t happen again. WWKTLD? Nothing, that’s what.)

Pool Rules:

1) NO Pool Parties
How it was broken: D invited our usual group, which included us, the other married couple (Rad and Nae), the “girls” (only one showed, the other had a birthday to attend), and one other guy. D and Hubs also thought it would be a good idea to grill some food (they were right). We all thought it would be a good idea to bring some drink (we were right). D also thought we could use some tunes (he was right). So, although we were not celebrating anything, per se, it ended up being pretty party-ish.

2) Pool Closes at 10:00 PM
How it was broken: We all arrived around 3 PM (nothing wrong with that), and started to trickle out around 10:30 PM. This is the one rule that we wouldn’t have guessed at, even if we had been forced to sit down and write out a list of “probable Pool Rules.” So we’ll chalk it up to honest ignorance.

3) NO disturbing behavior or loud music allowed.
How it was broken: I’ve already made reference to the “tunes.” They were enjoyed in the form of a boom box that D supplied, and two iPods. One belonged to us, and one belonged to one of Hubs’ coworkers. iPod Wars III threatened to break out when Hubs announced he was unplugging Coworker’s music (very club-oriented. Lots of bass and “ooh babies”) and Coworker protested. However, iPod Wars I and II (both occurred on the Lake) were messy and exhausting, with no clear winner, so Coworker ceded victory, and 80s music prevailed for the night.

As far as disturbing behavior, I was asked, by none other than the building manager, to please get my group to stop provoking the Dodge Ram with the super-sensitive car alarm. We only got a chance to set it off twice before we had to stop. I have a sordid history with that alarm and its unnecessary-ness. The following will give you a good idea of what wakes me up between 1:30 and 4 AM most mornings.

(There’s a bad word at the end of this clip. Earmuffs at 1:05.)

5) NO more then two guest [sic] per apartment should be invited at one time and the resident needs to be with their guest at all times.
How it was broken: This one is questionable, since we only ever had three outsiders at once, and we could have maxed out at four with both us and D present. However, I’m not sure that anyone from the complex realizes that D actually lives here. Nor am I sure that it’s kosher for many residents to gather all in one place. At one point, we absorbed another couple that just happened to be burning to a crisp next to us. By the end of the night we had also attracted a very inebriated older woman, who regaled us with slurrings of Corpus Christi and proclamations of our “whiteness.” All in all, we managed to grow into a gathering of 11 people. Pretty large for a fenced-off pool area.

6) NO pets allowed in the pool area at any time.
How it was broken: Another debatable breakage. The woman who joined us near the end of the evening happens to have a ridiculously adorable fuzzball of a puppy that she’s recently been flaunting all over the complex. It’s the size of a cantaloupe, white, super-fluffy, and very energetic. I want it. When the women stumbled into our circle, asking for help moving a TV, I struck a bargain with her. We would help if she would provide her puppy for entertainment. Of course, she agreed. That poor puppy got passed around, dropped, and tossed aside (it pooped on someone, it sort of deserved it), but we kept it nearby for a good hour or so and made quite a fuss over it. Certainly we were not disguising the fact that we had an animal about. So, while it was actually someone else who broke the letter of this rule, we were responsible in spirit (I’ll note that I saw at least two other dogs in the area that evening. So there.)

7) Please do not leave any litter in pool areas, discard of any trash before you leave.
How it was broken: Eleven people who had been eating and drinking for a total of 77 man-hours left the area at approximately 10:30 PM. While I can’t be sure that this rule was broken, I am positive that I carried all of one (1) thing back to the apartment with me. Which was my bag of mango chips (they are delicious). I’m sure others were more dependable (including my husband), but I cannot vouch for a completely clean departure.

9) Please make sure that your vehicle is parked on non-numbered areas only, unless the parking space belongs to your apartment.
How it was broken: We try to enforce this rule, but it usually involves our guests getting back in their car and moving after they’ve already parked. There aren’t any signs in the parking lot, and finding a “non-numbered” area is like Where’s Waldo on acid. He’s everywhere! He’s nowhere!

10) NO glass containers will be allowed in the pool area.
How it was broken: I’m happy to report that our guests were actually more savvy to this rule than we were. Didn’t stop them from buying the bottles when they went out on the mid-afternoon beer run, but still. I was impressed that they thought of it at all. Thank goodness we didn’t break anything. The amount of glass containers plus the hours we lounged times the number of partakers should have resulted in at least a few mishaps. But we got off scot-free, I think. Next time, we either suffer through cans or we brown-bag it.

I know. Classy.

11) Please keep gates closed at all times while inside the pool area.
How it was broken: We were the only ones with a key, weren’t we? D never got one. And when you’ve got 11 people getting up to pee every 20 minutes, the unlock-lock-unlock-lock thing gets a bit old.

12) Rules and pool hours are posted at each pool site and must be obeyed at all times.
I disagree with this one on principle. It’s not even a real rule. Including it on the list of Pool Rules is just guaranteeing a double-whammy when one tallies up the rule-breaking infractions.

*We had a good time. I’m doing the anxious female thing where I freak out about whether we’ve burned all our bridges with the nice ladies in the office but having Hubs around helps. At the end of the day, we were actually very well behaved. And we won’t do it again. And we’re awesome. Whateva’.

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